Honorable Mention

I know it's not a hotel review, but this needs to be shared with the world. It was found via the oh so prestigious Google reviews section. Censorship has been applied to protect the "innocent".

Something's wrong here... no, not your thing.

Los Angeles, CA

The following review was found on TripAdvisor:

This is by far the most dissapointing EXPERIENCE EVER AT A FOUR SEASONS! Indeed this is not a Four Seasons (Standard hotel) they are way over below their standards...Rooms are old and not taken care off, room service is the most disgusting thing, terrible housekeeping as all the housekeeping staff forget to give you soap or shampoo even they just give you 2 towels (how is that possible),), air conditioning is loud and noisy WAY WAY OVER PRICED FOR WHAT IT IS, if you really need to be in [EXACT LOCATION REDACTED] goto to Peninsula or the new Montage MUCH nicer and same price...[EXACT LOCATION REDACTED] is a fraud really really bad hotel@!!!@The pool is a joke, so so small and in the back so no sun, gym is a joke...its a crap hotel, by the way only person who was concerned about us was a very nice lady at the front desk she said you should get some discount on your bill for all the inconveniences, she asked us very kindly to wait for the manager, we had to wait long time and then a very rude French background lady appeared, incredible rude and never pay any attention to the complains and she didn't care about all the issues during the stay, specially when I said to her in which conditions the hotel is, WHICH ARE WORST EVER, I told her the rooms look like a crypt, SERVICE, the bathroom also and of course the wait worth cero, we did not get offered a discount in our bill, anyway I live 290 days in hotels and I only stay at Mandarin Oriental, Peninsula, St Regis, Capella, Rosewood, Four Seasons

The rating provided with the review was 1 out of 5. It was posted on May 12, 2014. The management offered a prompt response, just three days later.

Dear Sir
Naturally I am dismayed to read of your feedback here
However, I have tried to search for your name and have been unable to find a reservation or guest profile under this in the hotel in order for me to contact you directly. If you have a moment I would be grateful if you could contact me as below to provide a number for me to reach you, to allow me to speak with you personally and address your experience as highlighted above
Many thanks and best regards

Something tells me they won't be hearing back from him.

Sorry, Chief.

Kansas City, MO

Sometimes, people just can't catch break. The following review was found on Booking.com:

Pros: They accept pets.

Cons: Booked a room here for a mid-trip stop between Denver and Nashville. Room I booked was "unavailable" when I tried to check in at 11pm. Apparently booking.com left me an email offering to pay the difference for a room at a nicer hotel. If only I could have gotten said email in Middle-of-Nowhere, Kansas. Didn't read that email until after the situation below played out: Night manager found me a new room after complaining about booking.com not knowing what they were doing. I asked to be sure it was a non-smoking room, because the lobby was quite thick with stale cigarette smell. Turns out, all of the non-smoking rooms are all OVER the smoking floor, so all of the rooms in the entire hotel stink like smoke. All of them. A helpful sheet of paper told me that the only functioning ice maker was on the "smoking floor," so yucky ice too. My wife watched a drug deal go down in the parking lot while I was trying to fix the mysterious room problem. Right there in the open. Parking lot was full of campers (with people sleeping in them). I don't know if they were paying guest who decided to get away from the smell of their "non-smoking" rooms, or just squatters. People were apparently smoking on the non-smoking floors in the hallway at 3 AM and set off the fire alarm. Fire door was stuck at the bottom of the stairs, and took 2 people to force open. We were all wide awake after the fire alarm and standing outside barefoot for 15 minutes in 25 degrees waiting for the all clear. Decided to just drive on, since we had another marathon day ahead of us. Night deskman offered me a 10% off coupon as an apology, because that's "all he was allowed to do." Asked if he could call the manager, and he said "No, he's asleep." I said "Yeah, we wouldn't want to disturb him at this hour, would we?

The rating provided with the review was 2.5 out of 10. (Is a 0 out of 10 just considered bad form?) It was posted on April 14, 2014.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE YELLING ABOUT!

Vail, CO

The following review was found on Booking.com:

Pros: BEDS WERE UNCOMFORTABLE... COULD BE UPGRADED

Cons: FREE WIFI

FREE EQUIPMENT STORAGE

FREE FIREWOOD

HEATED POOL & SAUNA

FREE SHUTTLE SERVICE, NO NEED TO DRIVE ONCE AT PROPERTY.

GREAT VIEWS

The rating provided with the review was 8.8 out of 10. It was posted on January 22, 2015.

CSI: Nashville

Nashville, TN

The following review was found on Booking.com:

Pros: I liked the location and the quick ride to the restaurants

Cons: The bed spreads were not cleaned. I saw spots of blood on the bed spread. I had two beds so I used the other bed and did not complain.

The rating provided with the review was 8.8 out of 10. It was posted on April 12, 2014.

Apparently, you weren't the only one who wanted to make a big stink.

Roanoke, VA

The following review was found on Booking.com:

Pros: Absolutely nothing

Cons: I checked in after midnight. There was a lot of police activity in the parking lot. The elevator to my room smelled of urine. I nearly threw up so I took the stairs. The room also had a bad odor. There was trash in the trash can. The wood on the bathroom door frame was chewed up by a dog. The noise level did not enable me to sleep. I spent two hours on the phone trying to find another hotel, but to no avail. No hot water for my shower either. When I checked out there was a line of people complaining about their stay so I said I would call and file my complaint, I couldn't stay there any longer.

The rating provided with the review was 2.9 out of 10 (surprisingly high, given the review). It was posted on March 17, 2014.

Well, maybe you should have aimed better the last time.

Williamsburg, VA

The following review was found on Booking.com:

Pros: The breakfast variety
Cons: The bathroom floor has spots in front of the toilet from previous stays.

The rating provided with the review was 9.2 out of 10. It was posted on June 13, 2014.